March 1976
Creem CONTENTS
Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012 WE OFFEND OUR COMPLIMENTS Don't get me wrong, man! Iam all for freedom. But I found your January cover simply cruel. I mean like it was venomous. Everyone knows that Elton John plays keyboards, not the oboe, even if he does miss a few now and then.
CREEM ROCK CROSSWORD PUZZLE
Ronald Trice
THE CHRISTGAU CONSUMER GUIDE
Robert Christgau
THE BAND; "Northern Lights — Southern Cross" (Capitol):: I have always found myself put off by the sprung quality of the Band's music — the sense that if someone were to undo the catch its works would be propelled forth in all directions. Instead of energizing the impulse to piece together the lyrics — in the manner of the Stones, not to mention Bob Dylan — the sound of albums like "Big Pink" and "Stage Fright" (not "The Band," though, or "The Basement Tapes") tends to reinforce their own metaphorical impenetrability.
ROCK 'N' ROLL NEWS
Bette Midler made a very speedy recovery from the emergency appendectomy that forced her to cancel the opening two dates of her current tour, though fans at the eventual opening date in Berkeley were surprised to see her appear onstage at the show's opening in a hospital bed... which she immediately bounced out of into "Friends," teasing the audience by cracking, reports ENS, "How many of you didn't think I'd show up tonight?
THE BEAT GOES ON
Thom Rae
Foot Fondler Takes No Fee MIDDLETOWN, OHIO Elza Abraham, 78 year-old mailman, Boy Scout leader for half a century, and lifelong Middletown resident, went to trial in municipal court recently for operating what is probably the only massage parlor in this May-berryesque Ohio burg.
CREEM DREEM
PATTI SMITH
Creem Profiles
ROGER DALTREY
(Pronounced “Boy Howdy!”)
RUSH:Pebbles & Bam-Bam In Alphaville
Rick Johnson
The first thing you notice about Rush, according to one observer, is that they're not as gross-looking as Bachman-Turner Overdrive and they have a somewhat lower thud weight than most other Canadian bands.
Letter From Britain
Casing The Promised Land
Simon Frith
So you're scared and you're thinking that maybe we aren't that young anymore.
Once More With Feeling
Susan Whitall
"Roll over, darling. Pass me a Marlboro," Peter murmured.
PSSST! WANNA BUY THE SISTINE CHAPEL?
Robert Duncan
Business art is the step that comes after Art...
Your Pretty Faces Have Gone To Hell (But Run It By Again Anyway!)
Roy Carr
An Exercise In We-Told-You-So Journalism
Rewire Yourself
At Last: Something Worse Than The Chocolate Watchband
Richard Robinson
I stood on the corner of 86th and Broadway last Saturday morning. It was raining, so I was wet.
Stars Cars
AEROSMITH
THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT ROCK 'N' ROLL CIRCA 1975
Yes, it's that time again. We put the ballot in, you put the word out, and here are the demographics on YOUR fetishes in the year of our wackout 1975.
Features
BLACK SABBATH FROG PRINCES OF DAKTARI
Kate Phillips
In which Ozzie Osbourne picks off chickens, faces down a stoat, and generally acts the country gentleman.
Features
FIFTHS & FISTS FOR THE COMMON MAN
JAAN UHELSZKI
I already have two strikes against me: one, I am a Yankee, two a girl.
Extension Chords
The Ultimate(?) Amplifier
Eric Gaer
Amplifier manufacturers, if they had their druthers, would produce not only the loudest amplifier in the world, but one with all the goodies the case could possibly hold packed inside. Well, L.D. Heater, up in Beaverton, Oregon, has tried to do just that and it's called Sound Vendor.
CORRECTION
We regret that in publishing the article "Guitars" by Eric Gaer in our November, 1975 issue, we neglected to include the following publisher's permission. Excerpts from THE GUITAR BOOK, copyright © 1975 by Thomas Hutchins Wheeler. Reprinted by permission of Harper & Row, Publishers, Inc.
Eleganza
Is Cher More Man Than Russ Mael? Is Navel Lint Fuzzy?
Lisa Robinson
I can never decide how I really feel about Cher, do you have that problem too?
Creemedia
BOY HOWDY’S TOP TEN FLICKS OF 1975
Georgia Christgau
After living in the Midwest for six years on chili and bad newspapers, I finally took my one diversion, movies, seriously, and began seeing two a week.
Confessions of a FILMFOX
I Got You Babe... again. Need a program to keep track of the players? For a late update, my scorecard reads that Gregg Allman has been permanently sent to the showers for having his backfield in constant motion. Surprisingly OI' Dixie's favorite son didn't buck the decision, and threw in his towel by filing for the Big D (yes folks, as in D-I-V-O-R-C-E), and from the sidelines it looks like that Wonderful Wop, Sonny Bono is off the bench and back calling the shots.
What’s So Special About Troy Donahue?
Richard C. Walls
Insomnia. Personally I don't belive in it— there are too many home remedies like drinking a fifth of whiskey very quickly or taking 30 valiums in a gulp.
Records
Drifting In And Out Of An American Dream
Greil Marcus
A recent nation-wide telephone poll on Northern Lights-Southern Cross, the Band's first collection of new songs in four years, has produced a solid consensus.
Records
IF YOU CHOOSE CHOOSE TO GO
Peter Laughner
This album made me so morose and depressed when I got the advance copy that I stayed drunk for three days.
Records
A Critic’s Perspectives: THE GREATEST ALBUM EVER MADE Just In Case You Ever Wondered
Lester Bangs
It has been suggested to me that in my annual regress report to the stockholders, published here last month, I neglected in all 5,000 words to ever once mention why Metal Machine Music is a good album. So here, especially in the light of Coney Island Baby, are the reasons:
ROCK · A · RAMA
STEVE HARLEY & COCKNEY REBEL - A Closer Look (EMI) ::They couldn't exactly call this instant repackaging of Steve's last three albums a "Greatest Hits" collection, so they took the easy way out by calling it A Closer Look, complete with enough glitz promo to make it look like a live album — that is, until you read the small print.
Motor Mouth
Elvis Too Much For Pants
Well darlings, we just hope New Year's Eve '75 was no indication of things to come for '76.
Creem Cheese Of The Month
AMORY BLAINE
For those of us who still call Detroit home, Dan Carlisle is as familiar on the air-waves as Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin. Home to Dan is presently the two to six slot on W4, which seems a sedate spot for someone so intrinsic to Detroit's early underground or "progressive" radio sound.
HAMBURGER CITY
MARTY FISCHHOFF
In this the year of our Bicentennial, the only gift a true patriot should even consider giving is a burger. After all, what's more American than the hamburger? Apple pies? Who's got the time to mess with that? The hot dog? It might be Freudian, but this country definitely prefers patties over wieners between its buns.
CALENDAR
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1 BETTE MIDLER Masonic Auditorium CLEO LAINE Music Hall Theatre MUGSY Lake Orion MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2 TOM PAXTON Ann Arbor PADDLEFOOT Wagon Wheel (through 2-2) TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 3 KURBESTONE BEAUTEAZE Candlestick Cabaret (through 2-7) JOE FARRELL Silver Dollar Saloon East Lansing
EXTRA CREEM'S TOP 61 The ABC's of Detroit Rock
The following prose is a sort of Who's Who on the Detroit music scene. Because we lack the space to name everyone, a few unsung heroes will remain — unfortunately—unsung. But we've tried to be fair, so gang — we'd like to introduce you to Extra's Top Sixty-One...(applause) CARL ARRINGTON.