November 1982
CONTENTS
CREEM CONTENTS
R. Meltzer is the worst rock critic ever and his piece on Combat Rock is the worst record review in the history of modem publication. Idiotic, incoherent, unreadable, full of hip abbreviations and smarmy slang, the review gave me quite a headache and said almost nothing about the Clash's fine new LP.
CHRISTGAU CONSUMER GUIDE
Robert Christgau
RUBY BRAFF: "Very Sinatra" (Finesse):: At 55, cornetist Braff has 11 years on the title totem, but that's not why he adores melody so much more effectively than Frank these days. It's that in the end he's just as devoted to craft and a lot more modest about it; he has less talent, I suppose, but more taste.
ROCK 'N' ROLL NEWS
The Who held a New York press conference in late August to announce that the band's next American tour (in progress by the time you read this) will be their last. Roger Daltrey said the main reason for the decision was that touring puts too much strain on the band members' family lives, although they may perform an occasional date here and there in the future.
THE BEAT GOES ON
Rick Johnson
NEW YORK—The punkish gatekeepers at New York's Peppermint Lounge have been biting back nausea as the long-haired faithful swarm in. For an invasion of unbending hard rock fans the skinny tie employees had to cut short their Fourth of July weekend—and this is only the first of the New Pep's heavy metal insights?
LETTER BOMB FOR TED BAXTER: GANG OF FOUR OUT OF UNIFORM
Laura Fissinger
Whatever it is that's doing a George Romero on the American Dream is finally starting to do it in such bastions of good life as Minneapolis, Minnesota. People used to sit around here and feel safe from everything but six-month winters. Not any more.
ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY? FRANK & MOON ZAPPA GO AM
Michael Goldberg
The first time I heard Frank Zappa's "Valley Girl" on the radio, I turned up the volume, pulled my car off the road and sat there, slightly shocked.
PETE TOWNSHEND STOPS HURTING PEOPLE
Chris Salewicz
Action for the ’80s
JOE COCKER VISITS MY HOMETOWN! WOW!
J. Kordosh
THE W'S: Joe Cocker grew up in Sheffield, which is north of England way. I grew up in Livonia, Michigan, which is like most of America only in that it's west of Detroit. Joe Cocker is my senior by some eight years and has enjoyed considerable success as a singer, particularly during the early '70s.
EXTENSION CHORDS
Allen Hester
OK, Mousketeers, the party's over. Put away your Fanner 50 cap guns and listen up. Uncle Matty Mattel has got a new gizmo fresh from his hidden laboratory, and this one ain't no toy. It's called the Synsonics Drum, and it's a computer-controlled machine that produces realistic drum sounds and stores them in memory banks, then plays them back exactly as you recorded them.
DON'T CHECK OUT WITHOUT YOUR BAGGAGE
Rick Johnson
In 1974 CREEM published a comprehensive street guide to drugs, written by Lester Bangs and intended to show our average reader just what the various substances he/she might be ingesting would do to their body. No preaching, no happy talk; just the facts: if you're going to stick it down your throat, here's what you can expect.
CONSUMER GUIDE: TOYS & TOOLS OF DOPE
J. Kordosh
It's one thing to do dope, it's another to do dope right. Whazzat mean? Well, if you want to believe the multi-million dollar "paraphernalia" industry, it mean you need certain accoutrements to truly enjoy your high. Whether or not you actually need any of the souped-up Tonka Toys they peddle is certainly open to question, but they're there and people buy 'em.
TEST YOURSELF: THE SYMPTOMS AND PHASES OF ALCOHOLISM (JELLINEK CHART MODIFIED)*
This chart was originally formulated by Dr. E.M. Jellinek, M.D. in 1952 for the Quarterly Journal Of Alcohol Studies. Dr. Jellinek's purpose was to illustrate the various phases of alcohol addiction or the successive stages a person passes through in becoming an alcoholic, although Jellinek believes that the chart is applicable to any form of drug addiction.
CREEMEDIA
Bill Holdship
Maybe we've been fooling ourselves all along if we ever believed that this whole rock thing ever amounted to much more than just another slick form of entertainment and show business—just a seedier (tho not by much) version of the Hollywood glamor/dream factory of a previous era.
Prime Time
Face-Sucking Bloat Worms
Briefly, then, the long suffering columnist has finally acquired the necessary subscription television facilities (there's still no cable in Detroit—what with so much money at stake it takes a while to work out the intricate details of the various payoffs, kickbacks, etc., just kidding), which means that he'll never feel compelled to watch commercial prime time TV again, ever, period.
Creem Profiles
THE STRAY CATS
(Pronounced “Boy Howdy!”)
Confessions of a FILM FOX
Former cover lass Lois Chiles, who's emoted in The Great Gatsby as golf champion Jordan, and was an item with ex-Eagle Don Henley for a while (her most challenging role), will hit the TV screen this season in Dallas. La bella Isabella Rossellini, who's been splashed across as many mag covers as Nastassia Kinski (and bears more than a passing resemblance to the gal), has finally filed for d.i.v.o.r.c.e. from director Martin Scorsese . . . seems Marty didn't warm to the idea of Isabella's modeling and acting career taking off (and at the mature age of 30!).
THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF JUDAS PRIEST AND THE FLIVVER OF DOOM
Robert A. Hull
JUDAS PRIEST Screaming For Vengeance (Columbia) It comes rushing headlong at you like a pair of knuckle-dusters being slammed, unceremoniously of course, up side yo' head.
E.C.'s EMOTIONAL RESCUE
Richard C. Walls
CBS, in their continuing effort to find a tagline that adequately conveys the Costello presentation/ experience/etc. (and the frustration in the ad dept, must be immense, having already led to the looney indiscretion of last year's Trust slogan—"four eyes one vision"— whew!) are currently offering up one word, a coy question—"master-piece?"
PASSION IS NO ORDINARY WORD
Jeffrey Morgan
In a business where women singers are a dime a dozen these days (and trite women singers the norm), Lydia Lunch can be proud of being one of the few women singers in rock who consistently breaks the mold of complacency surrounding much of today's music and redefines the role of what a contemporary women in rock 'n' roll should be today, simply by doing what she wants, when she wants, and how she wants.
ROCK • A • RAMA
Jeffrey Morgan
HOOKED ON DRUGS (RCE):: Given the success of such best-selling albums as Hooked On Classics and Hooked On Swing, it was inevitable, I suppose, that someone would come up with the idea for this. Side one's "Hooked On Hallucinations" theme is an amusing enough medley which includes such hoary old chestnuts as "Eight Miles High," "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," "Pictures Of Matchstick Men," "White Rabbit" and—wait for it—"Puff The Magic Dragon."
BACKSTAGE