April 1985

DEE SNIDER OF TWISTED SISTER

CONTENTS

BLACKIE LAWLESS OF W.A.S.P.

M.U.G S.H.O.T.S E-Z SPOT REMOVAL

Whether you choose a deep, rich shag or a more practical polyester-blended weave, we here at Rock-Shots are sure you'll be happy with the choices of fine carpeting presented in this, our favorite section. You'll want to keep many ashtrays available for your smoking guests and possibly opt for one of the commercial deodorizing products—wait, this isn't "Rug Shots"?

BILLY IDOL

QUIET RIOT VS. MR. T!

Forget the Thrilla in Manila, the Schmear in Zaire—for the biggest, baddest brawl of them all, you'll now have to refer to "The Sashay In L.A."...the long-awaited duke-out betweep Quiet Riot and Mr. T! It was heavy metal against heavy muscle as the most-pitied fools in musicdom took on the brash, but engaging, T in a thrilling bout.

RATT-BEST LOOKING GUYS IN SHOW BIZ!!

We knew it all along. Ratt release one LP, and suddenly they’re the cat’s meow in heavy metal circles. Actually, Ratt’s success has little to do with their musical abilities. Ratt’s appeal comes from the fact that they are simply, without a doubt, the best looking guys on the face of the earth.

Beaucoups of BINARY BEINGS!

Hey, have you ever wondered why 49 of the 50 states have a bicameral legislature? Or why you can bisect an angle with compass and straight edge, but never, ever trisect an angle? What about binoculars?? How come you can take bicarbonate of soda after reading this magazine, but you can’t take unicarbonate of soda???

QUEENSRYCHE

DAVID LEE DIGS MIKE LOVE: ON THE BLEACH!

Incredible! Due to a massive screw-up at the ballot box last November, David Lee Roth has been elected this year’s TOUR GUIDE O’ AMERICA!

IT HAPPENED ON STAGE BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

From Jim Morrison exposing it onstage to Jimi Hendrix burning it onstage to Iggy flaunting it onstage to Motley Crue nauseating it onstage, the stage has always been the place where all the action takes place. Even if you weren’t there, our photographers were.

ZZ TOP

MOTLEY CRUE: MODEL YOUTHS!

Having tried of being merely the finest rock band of all time, Motley Crue are now— incredibly—the four highest-paid male models in the world! It's true...the Modeling Motleys line so that everybody can look just like them! It's the greatest rock/fashion news since Donovan sang "I Love My Shirt," we reckon!

PRINCE THE TRUE ROCK!

We’re sure you were just as shocked as ROCKSHOTS when you learned that Pope John Paul II had resigned the papacy and that the College of Cardinals unanimously elected the former Prince Rogers Nelson to the exalted post. Said one unnamed Cardinal: “I’m sure Pope Rover I [Prince’s religious title] will bring the same simple, holy approach to the Vatican that he’s brought to the stage.

ALBUM COVER AWARDS JUDGING THE BEST!

"You can't judge a book by its cover,” Bo Diddley once sang—and the same is often true of album covers. Every so often, though, a record lives up to its cover and vice versa. Thus, we went through some of the best LPs of the previous year (that being 1984) and found some record covers that matched the music to be found on the vinyl.

OVER EXPOSED

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for performers of rock 'n' roll, R&B or S&M to resort to cheap theatrics, to expoit our precious human bodies for the sake of their own personal gain—indeed, to defile all that is right with this wondrous gift of life— you can bet your bottom dollar that ROCK-SHOTS wants to get in on the action!

DEE SNIDER OF TWISTED SISTER

DAVID LEE ROTH

THE WAY THEY WERE!

Have you ever wondered how silly many of today's top stars looked before they became top stars and looked as silly as they do? Huh? We haven't either. However, since our Art Department—blackmailing scum that they are—came up with these photos, we feel obliged to print them with appropriate commentary.

Backstage

We at ROCK-SHOTS, for one, are simply disgusted and sickened by the decadent antics we hear take place backstage and behind the scenes at rock ’n’ roll events. We’ve formed a 12-man committee to do away with these animalistic rituals, dubbing it the Yoo-hoo Brigade.

BRYAN ADAMS

PAT BENATAR: HER SECRET TERROR!

Who would think that Pat Benatar—she of the ultra-tough "Love Is A Battle-field"—would secretly harbor a deep, gnawing fear that would keep her awake far into the night, night after night?

PATTY SMYTH OF SCANDAL

"AND GOD CREATED EVE..."

The most beautiful girl in the world isn't Garbo. Isn't Monroe. Isn't Bacall. Isn't I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad! They're coming to take me away, ha, ha, hey, hey!!! Heeeeee!!!!!!

VANITY

IRON MAIDEN SAVES THE UNIVERSE!

As everyone knows, the Earth—not to mention the solar system, galaxy and (ulp!) the entire Universe—is constantly threatened by formidable, power-crazed aliens and weird life-forms from other dimensions (probably). Its no secret they want to kill most of us, turning our men into slaves and using our women for...well, you know.

GENERAL PUBLIC

NEW BANDS: WHEN WILL IT END?

Good lord! How many more new bands can there be? If you’re like us, you'll spend a great deal of time remembering the prophecies of Nostradamus—who certainly means much to all of us here at ROCK-SHOTS! In one of his better known tracts, the great Nostra predicted that all new bands would end by the beginning of 1985—so what the heck went wrong?

U2

We like U2. You too? Everyone seems to like U2. You too? Everyone is going to their concerts. You too? They sing about Christian values, crisis in Ireland, peaceful martyrs, and overcoming despair. ’Course we’re not sure what their name stands for.

LITA FORD

BOY HOWDY KEEPS A-BREWIN'!

That’s right! Li'l Boy Howdy is damn proud of his brew, and deservedly so! It’s the king of rock ’n’ roll beers, the pause that rocks, the moola that moves! Yepper, it be the greatest, by cracky! Can’t beat it! Yum! Yum! Stock up on it today!!!

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

BOY GEORGE