September 1985

MOTLEY CRUE

CREEM CLOSE-UP

LEE AARON

CHAINMAIL

MTV IS BAD... I’d like to thank Richard Riegel for pointing out that heavy metal has become extinct on MTV. While MTV used to have a pretty wellrounded approach to rock video, that was in the past. I’d like to urge readers to write to MTV demanding either more heavy metal programming or an entirely separate channel dedicated to heavy metal.

ALCATRAZZ VAI NOT?

Sharon Liveten

Any group that calls themselves the “thinking man’s heavy metal band" deserves to be descended upon by a horde of nosy journalists asking stupid questions. After all, thinking is an alien concept to a lot of hard rock groups. On top of that, the band in question, Alcatrazz, has the nerve to cop its moniker from the most notorious prison in America, the one that had no escapes.

Bullets

Anne Leighton

Once upon a time in the land of Buffalo, New York, there was a kingdom. This was a unique kingdom—because it was the king, and not some common knave, who led its band of merry men. King Billy Sheehan sought to wear his uncompromising crown of rock ’n’ roll.

KING KOBRA

GIUFFRIA FOR ALL! METAL Q & A

J. Kordosh

G: Yeah. You know what they say about bands with their first album: that they use all their good stuff and— G: No! Well, uh, actually, with their particular situation and my situation, I was in a band before that had a few albums out...and, uh, I was real aware of that.

LESLIE WEST IS A MOUNTAIN! FORD EVERY STREAM

Jeff Tamarkin

“MOUN-TON!” “Yeaaahhh!” “MOUN--TONNNN!” “Yeaaahhh!” “Are you ready for ...MOUNNNTONNNN?!!” “Yeaaahhh!” The year is 1971, the place is Central Park, New York City, the ton is Leslie West, the band is Mountain, and the announcer won’t get off the stage.

SCORPIONS: FOURTH REICH ROCK!

Sylvie Simmons

The oldest military strategy in the manual: the classic pincer movement! On one flank Herman Rarebell, alias Herman the German; on the other lanky Francis Buchholz. And heading straight towards me, hand extended, the man turned down by the German Army, Klaus Meine.

SCORPIONS

RISING FORCE: UP, UP, UP AND YNGWIE!!!

Sharon Liveten

It’s drizzling in Southern California, and the natives, most of whom have never seen rain outside of the Universal Studio tour, are panicking. Traffic on the highway has slowed to a crawl. It wouldn’t really matter, except for the knowledge that in a distant, nondescript rehearsal studio, Swedish guitar whiz Yngwie Malmsteen is waiting for me with an egg timer running.

Seven Deadly Fashion Sins

Rick Johnson

Women have not fared well at rock music in general or heavy metal in particular. Strength has nothing to do with it. A flea could make these noises with a mega-amplified musical instrument and has on certain old Motorhead tracks. Male reproductive organs aren’t it either, although women do look kinda stoopid in metal stage postures, which are designed for maximum crotch emphasis.

THE NEW METAL MAGS: READ 'EM & RUST!

Rick Johnson

*ITEM: An investigation into the bankruptcy case of a Sacramento incineration firm uncovers 16,500 aborted human fetuses preserved in a storage tank. *ITEM: A Harvard mathematician announces that even chaos has patterns. *ITEM: Popular actor Tom Bosley discloses to American public, “Close doesn’t count in trash bags.”

RECORDS

Gary Graff

RISING FORCE Yngwie Malmsteen (Polydor) The future of heavy metal wears...red nail polish? That’s the image on the cover of Yngwie Malmsteen’s American debut, Rising Force; a well-manicured hand gripping a battered, puke-yellow Stratocaster out of the fire.

THE FIRM

BRITMETAL: Take Your Clothes Off!

Sylvie Simmons

Here it is again, the column that came in from the cold. Summer's just around the corner but there’s a bigger nip in the air than a JAL 747. So you’re not going to get me taking all my clothes off, uh-uh, no way. Even if in Maggie’s new Enterprising Britain we know this is the way for even the biggest tits to pull themselves out of the dole-drums and get ahead.

LITA FORD

AMONG THE VDEODROMEDARIES: NEAR THE SAHARA OF THE BOZART

Richard Riegel

Metal videos seem to be pop-ping up on my tube more frequently this week than they have for several months, or maybe I'm just getting more skilled on the ol' cable box. Punching off MTV into USA's Radio 1990 usually guarantees something a little bit different, and now that the latter series has instituted its "Heavy Metal Wednesday" theme shows, I know I can count on at least one half hour of metal yids per week.

RATT Unfortunate Forum!

Everyone’s had ’em—those unpleasant moments we’d rather not talk about. We’ve had ’em, we admit it. You’ve had ’em, too. Your mom’s had ’em. Your dad’s had ’em. All God’s chillin’ have had ’em. Still, we don’t like to talk about ’em. None of this bothers Ratt, though—they’re here to actually share their unpleasant experiences (and they’ve been many) with you, their favorite readers. Let’s dispense with any further formalities, then, and welcome Ratt to Unfortunate Forum...the only feature in Metaldom that dares delve into the less-than-enjoyable!

MAGNETS

Well, yet another tremendous issue of METAL winds down to a close! Were you as excited as we were with the sheer magnificence, awe and mystery of its contents? Of course you were! We were just asking to be polite. We'd like to announce, however, that the very next issue of META may even be better!

ACCEPT

JON BON JOVI