July 1985
CREEM CLOSE-UP
KING KOBRA
CHAINMAIL
TURNER OVER? There once was a writer called Gregg Turner. He chose to write bad things about a group called the Godz. This occurred in a METAL CLOSE-UP magazine. His picture is now hanging in a biker hang-out (on an Angry Samoans album). We are on the look-out.
HANOI ROCKS ARE NOT (SIGH) GONE
Andy Hughes
It’s more or less a day off for Mike Monroe. Apart from calling in to his management offices in an apartment just off one of London’s main thoroughfares to attend a couple of press interviews, he has little to do but nurse a recent ankle injury and reflect on the recent traumas of Hanoi Rocks—and just where they go from here.
Bullets
Jeff Tamarkin
Even their record company bio can’t resist chuckleinducing cracks about sushi, Toyotas and “getting oriented” to their music. But if given the blindfold test, it’s questionable how many metal heads would guess just by listening to their music that Loudness is from Japan.
MICK MARS on Motley Crue: MANHUNTER FROM MARS REPORTS!
Sylvie Simmons
SUBJECT: Mick Mars DATA: Guitar player, Motley Crue PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Nice & easy; cadaverous features; tendency to talk in sentences of one syllable ASSIGNMENT: The serious Motley Crue interview. No “We bite the fuck out of people who come on the bus with us" quotes.
CANT DANCE AND IT'S TOO WET TO PLOW
Rick Johnson
Heavy metal vocalists don't get much respect. Many listeners think these singers are so many in-terchangeable faucet parts, and band-hopping hooters like Ian Gillan and Ronny James Dio only reinforce that concept. Simply referring to someone like Ozzy Osbourne as a singer is usually treated with the same sort of disbelief as Radio New Zealand's accounts of the entire city of Auckland being buried under a massive deluge of threepacks of men's cotton briefs.
DEE SNIDER OF TWISTED SISTER
MOLECULAR HORSIEMIEAT BABYFOOD: THE WORST HEAVY METAL LPs OF ALL TIME
Rick Johnson
How many “best of” lists have you seen so far this year? At least 3,691, right? In recent months we’ve been treated to every living critic’s idea of what's hot in their field, ranging from the Top Ten books, films and records to the most-favored corn chips, plastic rain hats and manner or duration of painful death.
BRITMETAL: Vermin Hunting
Sylvie Simmons
Sleep with vermin and you wake up with fleas. We’ve warned you, but do you listen? We’re talking to YOU. Apollonia. Erstwhile pal of Prince, one-time darling of David Lee Roth, concubine of the sublime, and now? Rubbing up, we hear, to Robbin Crosby of Ratt.
VIDEO VANITIES OF 1985 THEY PAID WITH BULLETS!
Richard Riegel
You’d think, from reading the popular press (including CREEM, of course), that all the most blatant leather & stud lock-up-yerdaughters metal videos are playing on your kid’s boob toob every hour on the hour this week. However, before you call an emergency meeting of your PTA to combat the decline in reading test scores caused by Gene Simmons’s charismatic tongue action, you’d be wise to tune into your MTV any given afterschool hour.
INCREDIBLE, EDIBLE W.A.S.P.!
Wow! W.A.S.P. felt so bad when they weren’t invited to participate in the “We Are The World” benefit for famine-striken Ethiopia, they decided to take matters into their own hands. Naturally, they couldn’t write an actual song to donate—so they selflessly decided to donate themselves to the hungry masses of Ethiopia!
RATT