February 1985
BILLY IDOL
CONTENTS
QUIET RIOT
MUG SHOTS: SEE IF THEIR LIPS MOVED!
Yep, the terrible truth is out and we feel awful! We must now confess that we've never used real people for any of our world-famous Mug Shots! We're sorry, we thought we could get away with using handcrafted wooden dummies! We thought you wouldn't notice!
KISS
TRAPPED LIKE RATTS!
Holy Elmer's Glue! That wicked piece-o'-prime-rid, Elsie, is up to her old tricks again! Yepper, the vengeful cow is still on the warpath! As all readers surely know, the famous cow, given human intelligence by crazed vegetarian scientists, is busily sabotaging all human activities as revenge for our constant butchering of her people, the cows!
TWO BY TWO!
From Adam & Eve to Adolf & Eva, Sonny & Cher, John & Yoko, Jed & Granny and Boy George & Marilyn, the most interesting couples have always come in twos! That is, pairs! What we mean is couples! (Hey, we’re talking logic here!) So an ode to the joys of coupling: Roses are red, violets can be found in Munich, if God didn’t want couples.
ZZ TOP
THE PRINCE WHO WOULD BE KING?
Prince, CREEM's official "Artst Of The Year" is back on the road again! Gone the legendary panties and trenchcoat, not to mention the copulating bed scenario. In its place you'll find oral sex (in both Prince's set and the one by opening act, Sheila E.), guitar shoots liquid at the audience, and (are you ready for this?)
IT HAPPENED ON STAGE BELIEVE IT OR NOT!
Bands are hitting the stage harder than ever these days and, boy, do their hands ever hurt! That wood is real hard! Tak about tensile strenqth!! Are musicians just mad at wood? What’s wood ever done to them, anyway?? Face it, we're just talkinq cellulose here; maybe a little lignin, too.
HALL & OATES
HOT FOR n-DIMENSIONAL GEOMETRY!
So you thought Van Haien were merely lusting after well-built instructor Boy, are you out of it! Seems that-ever since shooting their classic edcuation video—the guys have talked about nothin' but learning Edward memorized Moby Dick—backwards!
BILLY SQUIE
PAUL McCARTNEY: Fashion God & More!
We’re sure you’ve heard the old joke about some youngster asking if Paul McCartney was in another band before Wings—ha-ha, right?—but here’s something you may not know. After his career in the wonderful, wild ’n’ wooly Rolling Stones, Paul became the most influential figure in fashion circles since, well, since anybody ever!
ALBUM COVER AWARDS WHAT CAN WE SAY?
Ah, heck! We’re sick of trying to think up clever things to say about album covers every month to lead into this regular awards feature. Why couldn’t we write about something interesting and fun—like, say, chemistry? Or perhaps The Barber Of Seville?
GUITAR GREATS GRATE!
What a stupid mistake! An MTV “Rock Influences" special about Guitar Greats and...they invited actual humans instead of good ol’ guitars! So now, instead of the guitars just sitting there onstage like they should, there’s people involved!
GUITAR GREATS GRATE!
RATT
PRINCE
Backstage
Once their was this guy named Stage, see—and once he used to cavort around, spreading sunshine into the gloomy depths of rock abandon 'n' stuff see. But the only problem was that he had no money. Stage was broke. It hurt him. So he spread no more sunshine.
JOHN WAITE
MOTLEY CRUE
ROD STEWART
PATTY SMYTH OF SCANDAL
Girls Still Just Wanna Have Fun!
LITA FORD
THE FIXX
TINA TURNER
THE BANGLES
SHOCK OF THE... NEW BANDS!
They're new! They're bands! And, in sum, they're actual new bands! Why are they here? Probably to make millions of bucks from folks like you and me! But, hey—why should we care? Everyone knows that the only thing worth living for is good ol', rock-'im-&-sock-'im, power-popPin', heavy metal ROCK 'N' ROLL!
DOKKEN
TWISTED SISTER
STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN
The Champagne of Rock 'n' Roll Beers
When the sounds are loud and the bodies are hot, Boy Howdy beer is the pause that refreshes. Boy Howdy—it out-rocks, out-socks and out-knocks every other one of its competitors. Like we always say, if you’ve got the time, Boy Howdy’s got the beer!
BOY GEORGE
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN