February 1983

PLUG IN

Welcome to the world of Vidiocy. Are you plugged in? Are you prepared to give your life if you fail in your mission? You're not? Good going, pal. Only a dope would believe that kind of stuff. VIDIOT is here to tell you there's an electronic world out there waiting to be explored and we just want to be your guide.

VIDIOT CONTENTS

MICK RONSON IS A VIDIOT!

Extraordinary guitarist Mick Ronson has played with both Bob Dylan and David Bowie, the pop culture icons of the '60s and '70s, respectively. Not wanting to lose any of his momentum. Mick plays here with one of the pop culture icons of the '80s!

Letters from VIDIOTS!

The Editors

This may be VIDIOT's letters page, but we don't have any letters yet—which mokes this a perfect opportunity to let you in on what VIDIOT is oil about. First of all, let's get one thing straight: we're new, and we're trying to put our finger on something we know is out there.

VIDIOTS IN THE NEWS

CAMPBELL, CA—The world's first rock 'n' roll video game, featuring the members of Journey, ships on Jan. 1, '83. Name of the game is Journey's Escape. It goes something like this: You, the player, gets to be one of the guys in the group. Sorry, but somebody has to be the duck.

THE ROCKETS ARE VIDIOTS!

Hey, there Motor City bad boys know a good thing when see it. When these guys aren't rockin' up a storm at the local arena, you can usually find 'em at the nearest arcade, playing games like Galaga, and just havin' a hell of a time—which after all, is what the Rockets have always been about!

LOOK OUT FOR THE CHEATER: VIDEO GAMING WITHOUT SCRUPLES

P. GREGORY SPRINGER

AT the Mall, Milton plunks a quarter into Pac-Man while his mother shops for spinach linguini at Gourmet Grub and Grocery. This happens on a regular basis. Without going into the Freudian aspect of it, the Ritual of the Mall has become something which satisfies the customer impulse in both of them.

HARDWARE/SOFTWARE

RICHARD ROBINSON

The wiring of the Republic and its citizens is coming along at an astounding rate, real time, with the help of the Japanese, the gome program writers, the multi-billion dollar electronics corporations, the people who keep fresh batteries on the shelves, the electronic discount houses, and you—with your pocket full of quarters.

What's Round & Yellow & Loughts All The Way To The Bank?

RICK JOHNSON

How much do you love Poc-Mon? I mean love, like you want to have his baby or something. Enough to wear his face all over your clothes? Enough to wash your actual private body with his gnawing yow? Have you even considered cosmetic surgery? Avoiding the omnipresent eye of Pac Brother is like trying to go through an entire day without being exposed to a Dick Van Patten commercial on TV.

VIDIOT OF THE MONTH DAVID JOHANSEN

If you don't believe that David Johansen is a bona fide vidiot, just turn on MTV any hour of the day or night. Dave's performance of the Animals Medley from his Live it Up LP is one the music channel's ten most played videos. On top of that, when he isn't onstage or in the studio making music that's funky but chic, you can usually find him clowning around with any number of gadgets at his local arcade.

ARCADE ACTION

P. GREGORY SPRINGER

MS. PAC-MAN—In the sitdown cocktail bar and airport versions, no way MS. PACMAN is going to slow down for some time to come. Those bouncing fruits, that hair ribbon, those lovemaking blobs, the nasty ghosts... The game has perfect packaging for cute lovers everywhere who want no more than a joystick between them and happiness.

THE ICE CAPADE: PENGO

ARCADE ACTION CLOSE-UP

Neat and nice and so precise, Sega's PENGO has a cool shot at the big time. With the surprisingly long-lived FROGGER and now PENGO, Sega has become the company of little critters with big appetites for quarters and tokens. Their high popularity indicates that someone has obviously found the soft spot in gamester's hearts.

VIDIOT'S E.T. PULL-OUT POSTER

VIDIOT'S CONSUMER GUIDE to Home Games

ANNENE KAYE

Maybe he ain't got such pretty legs, but you don’t need ’em to spank ghosts and blast alien vermin. Putting Steven in a room full of video games is like leaving the key to the Ladies Room in charge of Donkey Kong, Sr. He’ll play on and on until his leg hair vaporizes as from a cracked Tickle Bee!

ATARI 5200

Steve Kenyon

As you all know by now, Atari's new 5200 system is hot stuff. El sleeko design, screen graphics improved to a point almost Faygoesque and a universal controller featuring a loystick so sensitive, you should have it checked out by explosives-sniffing dogs before you touch it.

INTELLIVISION UPDATE

Steve Kenyon

Mattel's Intellivision system has an awful lot going for it. Measurably improved graphics are the biggest plus. Some controversy surrounds the controller, however, which features a disc instead of a joystick. It performs beautifully in games like Major League Baseball and NFL Football, but can be troublesome in hot-action contests.

COLECOVISION ’83

Steve Kenyon

At present, ColecoVision possesses the very finest visual elements of any home console. Juicy colors and sharp detail make for great eye candy. The controller is less complicated than Intellivision's but the paunchy joystick is frustrating at times.

E.T. PHONES HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

KEVIN CHRISTOPHER

It had to happen, so it did. E. T., this year’s Most Popular Film Ever Made, is now on its way to being Most Popular Home Video Game ever made—thanks to Atari. Seemingly just one more part of the pre-holiday E.T. paraphernalia blitz. Atari's E T. game has lots more going for it than just its name.

ARCADE INJURIES

BRAINLOCK Chust like ze old days, ya, young Otis here hast played his last game, ya, because he's vasted his life in front of ze big sereen, ya! Ze Dark Planet ist all zat Otis vill see forever, ya—und vill he haf a hard time buying ze sunglasses, you bet!

OFFING THE TUBE: HUNKA HUNKA FLYING SHARDS OF GLASS

J. KORDOSH

Even though TV sets breed everywhere throughout the world, it's almost impossible to find a practical treatise on destroying the things. Blowing 'em up. Smashing 'em into miniscule bits of flotsam and george jetsam. Surely there are ample reasons to want to bash the tube, even if you've never seen a John Denver special.

EYE HAND WHAT'S NEW FOR VIDIOTS

Kevin Christopher

You've seen commercials for this one every day on the tube, and they've pretty much summed up what Pitfall is all about. "Hapless" Harry The Hero explores the Amazon in search of lost treasure and stands to get nipped in his booty unless he's quick on his feet.

ROCK VIDIOCY

DAVE DiMARTINO

The rapid acceptance of MTV throughout wired-up Amenca proves three things. First, that there's Big Bucks at stake in the rock 'n' roll biz no matter what the record companies are sobbing about. Secondly, whoever gets on the bandwagon first with the most (which is what MTV has done) does best, at least initially.

CAPT. VIDIOT

•Your friend is about one-third right. There are no actual game carts that can plug into both the Intellivision and Atari home game systems. But there are some games that are available for both systems on their respective cartridge configurations.

Why I HATE Arcades

JOHN RICHARDSON

I love video games, I really do. I used to love raccoons more, but what can I say? The times ore...uh...getting more differenter, as Bobby Dylan once sang. The only thing wrong with vid games is vid arcades. They're the only place to try the newest games or decide if you want to plunk down 35 smackers on that just-came-out cartridge.

GAME'S OVER!

We hope you liked this edition of VIDIOT—there's lots more where this came from and even more places to go. But don't forget—we need your input for our output. Not to mention your quarters. Come back next time; you'll be surprised.