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THE EMPEROR'S NEW BANDS

Perhaps the oddest order passed down from the throne of Emperor Elmo in 1985 was his "New Bands" Doctrine. Those who might not have read His Greatness's pronouncement in the paper may need a recap: due to all the terrible music being performed today, the Royal Emperor has decreed that all of today's smash rock hitmakers must be executed at once—or at least as soon as possible—to make room for some new bands.

October 3, 1985

THE EMPEROR'S NEW BANDS

Perhaps the oddest order passed down from the throne of Emperor Elmo in 1985 was his "New Bands" Doctrine. Those who might not have read His Greatness's pronouncement in the paper may need a recap: due to all the terrible music being performed today, the Royal Emperor has decreed that all of today's smash rock hitmakers must be executed at once—or at least as soon as possible—to make room for some new bands. Some better bands. Bands that will once again allow His Holy Majesty peace of mind and the freedom he needs to create. Thus, in accordance with the wishes of the Big Boss Man, ROCK-SHOTS now presents several new bands that we can only hope will please the Emperor. After all, remember his "All Jerks Will Have Amnesia And Remember Nothing About Having An Emperor" Doctrine?

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