After seeing a woman on the street who bore an extremely strong resemblance to Xavier Cugat�s wife Charo and was tottering in the very same six inch white Goody Two Shoes that I paid the outrageous sum of forty-two dollars for, I think I might have to seriously rethink shoes. What happened in terms of my feet was that about two years ago I discovered I could be miraculously elevated a half foot off the ground with the aid of grotesquely divine platform shoes and it changed my life. For one who was always considered �petite� (a really dreadful word if you are) it was a perhaps superficial, yet nonetheless pleasurable feeling of power to tower over normal sized human beings. It also brought a great deal of pain into my life.

Those who know about such things say that people born under the sign of Cancer are prone to accidents, falling, stumbling and injuring themselves, and they will get no argument from me. Never the most graceful of women, it became more and more difficult to walk down the street with ease in my new and fancy footwear. I have real nightmare stories about careening down full flights of stairs, falling off curbs, having to be assisted in and out of buildings. I had briefly considered buying a walking stick to facilitate movement until Bianca Jagger went and made those unfashionable. Rock Encyclopedia author Lillian Roxon, after seriously infecting her knee as a result of a fall when she was wearing backless cork clogs, warned me never to mention my shoe collection to her again.