In the months since its resuscitation, several hundred readers have written this column to ask what they should do with their hair. Would that Eleganza knew! Wear it long and you’re apt to be perceived by the hip and trendy either as some pathetic old flower child, a heavy metal dunderhead, or, worse yet, a shag Tory in little white Capezio shoes.

Wear it short and you’re apt, unless you put fuchsia highlights in it (and who has the time these days?), to be mistaken for somebody who not only believes that there’s such a thing as soft rock, but also has one of the pushbuttons on the radio in his Toyota set to a station that claims to play it.