'Twas the day before Christmas and like a lot of good Americans I was watching All My Children as part of my holiday bonus. (Hey, gotta keep up on what the pretend people are doing, too.) Anyway, the Martins were decorating the tree and Tad— who’s about 15 or so—had locked himself in his room, depressed because his girl had broken off with him. The poor kid was killing his misery by laying on his bed, blowing reefer (try Crown Royal next girl. Tad) and -get thisLISTENING TO THE POLICE! “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” full blast on my American soap opera the day before Christmas? Real pretend kids who would rather listen to the Police than decorate the Xmas tree? Was this some sort of clue that the Police were gaining large national acceptance? You know how we Americans are...we will absorb no group before its time!

Skipping a month backwards, the Police were in the midst of their North American tour and Zenyatta Mondatta had hit #14 after only five weeks on the American charts. Another clue? A quick check showed that the LP was already well into the top ten in many similar countries like Italy, Australia, Belgium, Spain, and Canada. ZM—and the overseas single, “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”—had entered the British charts at *1. Yipes, it’s a message in a bank balance.