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Confessions of a FILM FOX

MAD AS HELL DEPT.: After suffering through several months of Brooke “Panty” Shields on the cover of Vogue, prancing around in layouts in the magazine wearing grown-ups’ clothes; after enduring many TV hours of her idiotic-to-the-point of dada Calvin Klein jeans ads; having to look at her bland loins and beetle-browed puss in countless goony Blue Lagoon posters and ads; this Fox had the misfortune to learn that Ms.

February 1, 1981

Confessions of a FILM FOX

MAD AS HELL DEPT.: After suffering through several months of Brooke “Panty” Shields on the cover of Vogue, prancing around in layouts in the magazine wearing grown-ups’ clothes; after enduring many TV hours of her idiotic-to-the-point of dada Calvin Klein jeans ads; having to look at her bland loins and beetle-browed puss in countless goony Blue Lagoon posters and ads; this Fox had the misfortune to learn that Ms. Shields is now a new Wella Balsam “girl,” joining such luminaries as “Revolting” Priscilla Presley, etc. Now the Vomit-b-meter circuits on your Fox’s TV set are surely going to overload, causing much distress. And for what? We would like to ask—nay, BEG dean Shrimpton to come out of modeling retirement and kick Brooke’s soppy little teenage ass out of the big girl fashion mags and back to the playground, where she belongs (until she learns to tweeze).

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