BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Saturday night! Time to have a good time, and tonight we're going to do it with a vengeance: Take our place in the — no, not singles bars. Tonight we're going to a few lesser-known venues. If you don't know where they are, you'll never find them, and chances are you don't belong there anyway.

Mind you, going out on the gay circuit requires finesse. There is a school of thought that believes in going directly for the jugular when it comes to laughs, but personally I like to save the most intoxicating thrill for last. Some people wait until 11 o'clock and go directly to the hot spot. How boring.